. . .

I’m starting to think I have a problem.
This is the second friend I’ve lost in about a year.
While it is not my fault that the friendship ended, I’m starting to think that maybe it might be.
But what do you do when someone would rather believe her sleazy boyfriend and her untrustworthy friends over you who has been there through her lowest moments? I think she was just looking for someone to blame everything on. So she convinced herself it was me. But a clear conscience is the best thing; I can walk around knowing that no matter what she says, no matter what she’s told other people about me in a bid to ruin my reputation, I know that truth. And as the saying goes, it is liberating…
Now you. One of my oldest friends. Someone who even my family held in such great regard. You gang up with previously mentioned frenemy to destroy me... and for what reason?? For “attention”? You spin this outrageous web of lies for years and years, treating the people close to you like pawns in your twisted mind games! You disgust me... never once have I been a bad friend to you, never have I betrayed you or hurt you. 8 years of blissful friendship. And yet, after I list so many people that were close to me in such a short space of time, after I managed to find some stability with new friends, you pull the ground out from under my feet… and at the end of it all, when the truth came out and you had been exposed, you couldn’t even be honest with us. With me. It took hours, tears, threats, and us picking at all the holes in you stories for you to come clean. The result? A blank stare, you still insisting that some lies were truths, not being able to explain why, and not even one apology. Then we got up and went our separate ways.
You text an apology hours later. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” Your arrogance appals me and I don’t reply. Then the next day you come up to us.
“So is this how it’s gonna be? We’re not gonna be friends anymore?”
What the fuck did you expect?? That we’d be ok with you after everything you did? That we’d laugh, exchange air kisses and go have a smoke and gossip like we always do? Or that we’d still be upset but want to be friends? There is no trust!!! We can’t even stand looking at you lying self and thinking about all that we’ve been through because of your selfish and psychotic ways!!
Then you go and tell everyone a different side of the story… gee, your apology really seems sincere now… but back to what I said about a clear conscience. Go on and talk yourself hoarse. You’re actually ding me a favour, I get to see you for who you really are and I get t find out who my true friends are… thanks!
You know what, I do have a problem…, but it’s not what you’re thinking… I trust too easily, I go out with the intention of being good to everyone and assume that everyone else will be the same to me. I’m naïve, and I need to stop. Because I’m so tired of so – called friends taking advantage of that…
You hurt me so deeply… but I’ll take it as a lesson learned…


Besides, that über cute guy smiled at me yesterday :) :) on to happier things!!!

i'm feeling rather bitter right now.....

so here it is, my first blog... well, not really, i have blogged before but no one has seen my posts... just thought i'd try the whole public blogging thing... put my thoughts out there and see if anyone's interested or has anything to say... so here goes...

Here’s the thing about players. they’re very good at telling when a girl is interested. Even if she’s just curious. Then they’ll play hard to get. Yes, hard to get. Make themselves seem mysterious and elusive, simply to increase your interest, at the same time, do small things to indicate they’re interested too… then they’ll make their move when you’re most likely to talk to them… at a bar… a party you’re both invited to… but when you’re alone… after some small talk, exchange of numbers etc etc, they’ll start to really act interested… text or call you, slowly work their way to the relationship topic… the first thing they’ll tell you is that they have a bad reputation and you shouldn’t be with them. Everyone hates them because they’ve made one or two mistakes, and in a way they do deserve that reputation. Then they’ll say they’ve changed… probably throw it in that they’re a mama’s boy, they treat their girlfriends with respect even though they have a weak resolve after a few too many tequilas, they wish you hadn’t heard about them because they’re really into you and would kill to have a clean slate with you… and besides, they haven’t cheated on anyone in an impressive number of months/years… blah blah blah, who wrote this fucking script and do all these assholes download it for free because really, a little imagination would be nice… on second thought, leave it that way… so we can spot you really easily and weed you out before we start to fall for your bullshit. Because let’s face it, just like the poor abandoned puppy on the side of the road, and the street kids we empty our wallets for, women cannot resist sob stories. Even when it’s against our better judgment. Sadly for me, I’ve had to learn the hard way… more than once… suffice to say, the once bitten, twice shy thing doesn’t quite work for me. I can’t quite explain it, the cliché attraction to the bad boy, mingled with pity, flattery (on his part), and immense sex appeal… throw in my uncanny ability to get myself in strange situations and there you have it. Another disaster waiting to happen…
I’m not even sure what I’m on about… just random musings I guess…