you know how buttered bread always lands on the buttered side when you drop it?
and how cats always land on their feet?
well if you tied a slice of buttered bread on the back of a cat with the buttered side up and tossed the cat off a roof, what side would it land on..?
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
another random venting post...
There is so much idle, mindless chatter going on around me, I’m constantly tempted to tear my hair out.
There are those people who speak for the sake of speaking. Maybe they just enjoy hearing the sound of their voices, beats me. These are the people who will talk non stop about anything and everything, not particularly making sense but just rambling on and on assuming for some reason that I‘m interested in the mundane details of their uninteresting lives.
Then there are those people who aren’t exactly talking to me but they’re talking loudly enough for me to hear... loud enough for anyone in a 50 kilometre radius to hear. And I’m thinking, is it that the person you’re speaking to is partially deaf? Or can you not control how loudly you speak? Are you aware that you’re contributing to noise pollution..?
People who tell a shitload of lies... you should be shot! Not only are you extremely irritating, but you insult my intelligence by feeding me a ton of bullshit and expecting me to impressed...
And then there’s people who say things that they don’t mean. Sigh... it doesn’t matter what it is, how deep or significant it is; if you don’t mean it, then don’t say it. It’s not rocket science. Cause once you say things, you can’t take them back. I’d rather listen to you ramble on about how long it took you to get rid of your ingrown toenail than hear you say one momentary meaningful thing that I’ll look back on and realise you never meant. Or sit in awkward silence than hear you make empty promises. Or say something then go like “oh, forget it...”
Or when you haven’t seen someone in ages and you decide to have lunch or something so you can “catch up” then they spend the next few hours in a narcissistic bitch fit.
Those people who always try to one – up you when you’re sharing experiences... you’re right up there with the liars... fuck you guys...
Aaaaaanywho...
**Think before you speak before you drive me insane**
There are those people who speak for the sake of speaking. Maybe they just enjoy hearing the sound of their voices, beats me. These are the people who will talk non stop about anything and everything, not particularly making sense but just rambling on and on assuming for some reason that I‘m interested in the mundane details of their uninteresting lives.
Then there are those people who aren’t exactly talking to me but they’re talking loudly enough for me to hear... loud enough for anyone in a 50 kilometre radius to hear. And I’m thinking, is it that the person you’re speaking to is partially deaf? Or can you not control how loudly you speak? Are you aware that you’re contributing to noise pollution..?
People who tell a shitload of lies... you should be shot! Not only are you extremely irritating, but you insult my intelligence by feeding me a ton of bullshit and expecting me to impressed...
And then there’s people who say things that they don’t mean. Sigh... it doesn’t matter what it is, how deep or significant it is; if you don’t mean it, then don’t say it. It’s not rocket science. Cause once you say things, you can’t take them back. I’d rather listen to you ramble on about how long it took you to get rid of your ingrown toenail than hear you say one momentary meaningful thing that I’ll look back on and realise you never meant. Or sit in awkward silence than hear you make empty promises. Or say something then go like “oh, forget it...”
Or when you haven’t seen someone in ages and you decide to have lunch or something so you can “catch up” then they spend the next few hours in a narcissistic bitch fit.
Those people who always try to one – up you when you’re sharing experiences... you’re right up there with the liars... fuck you guys...
Aaaaaanywho...
**Think before you speak before you drive me insane**
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What REALLY grinds my gears.. inspired by Peter Griffin, the second coolest cartoon dad (after Homer Simpson) :)
1.)Skinny jeans – the name says it all people, skinny jeans are for skinny people!!
2.)Leggings, tights, treggings – these can be worn very stylishly, my girls and I pull it off all the time, but seriously, these will not look good when they have some lame design cut into them and you wear them with those fugly flowery tops.
3.)Those shirts that have waistcoats sewn onto them – really? Instead of buying a waistcoat and a shirt, you decide you’ll go for 2 in 1?? Really??? And don’t get me started on the material they make those shirts out of! Barf!!
4.)Tramp stamps – tattoos on the lower back are sexy, no lie. But when you go get some trite tattoo of a dolphin, rose, butterfly, tribal symbol, etc etc, it’s considered a tramp stamp. Regardless of how un – trampy you may be, it’s a tramp stamp. And it’s tacky.
5.)Those rubber awareness bangles – yeah, I’m all in support of Lance Armstrong and his Livestrong campaign, and the bracelets come in some really awesome colours but when it’s old, and faded, and falling to pieces then I think I suggest you support testicular cancer in another way.
6.)Big ass shades that make people look like insects – big shades are trés chic, just ask Jackie O. But when you’re walking around looking like a life-sized fly with ridiculously compound eyes, then I think you’ve taken this trend way too far. Invest in a smaller pair or shape that will suit your face.
7.)Don’t even get me started on those multi – coloured biker shades.... gag!
8.)Dreadlocks when you have a receding hairline. Why oh why would you do that to yourself?? The only person who has an excuse is Stevie Wonder; he has no idea how ridiculous he looks. The rest of you, invest in a mirror and a good dose of self – criticism. Then go to your neighbourhood barber and just let go.
9.)Tacky weaves – if you’re walking around with something that looks like a dead animal on your head.... please, just shave your head, it’s cheaper to maintain.
10.)Fake diamonds in people’s teeth – no. Just no.
11.)Drawn eyebrows – why on God’s green earth would anyone be possessed to shave their eyebrows and draw them on?? Don’t get me started on the people who have tattooed eyebrows..
12.)Belts with stupid buckles – if it shines, glows, has laser lights or is holographic then just say no.
13.)Huge hoodies with bright shiny designs.
14.)Those random piercings on the sides of people’s mouths – hate to break it to you girls but they just look like big, shiny warts!
15.)Dress tops with fat belts.
16.)Spiky “rocker” bracelets – there’s nothing cool about something that can take my eye out if I just so happen to be behind you when you yawn.
17.)The Rihanna weave/haircut – not everyone can pull this off. So to save yourself years of braids while you wait for you steel wire excuse for hair to grow, just take a good, long look in the mirror and realise, you are not Rihanna!!!!
18.)Furry boots – I love furry boots. But not when they look like you just picked up some road kill and turned it into shoes with the help of your local drunk, homeless guy.
19.)People who wear wide tops with A – line skirts – it’s a wide top already. No need for a wide skirt.
20.)People who shout on the phone... one word for you: MICROPHONE!! It’s not two cups and a string, the person on the other end can hear perfectly fine if you speak like you normally do. And if you can’t hear what they’re saying, ask them to speak up, you shouting won’t improve your hearing!
21.)Slow walkers who decide that right in front of me is the perfect place to race with a snail and let it win. And then it’s like they have eyes on the back of their heads because every time you try to cut in front of them from the side, they move with you.
22.)When I’m in a mat or any other public place and the person next to me tries to read my texts or help me check my facebook. Excuse me, just because your life is just about as interesting as watching clumpy nail polish dry, doesn’t give you license to invade my privacy!
23.)When people take FOREVER to text back, so annoying!
24.)When people brush their teeth and the foamy spit stays in the sink... EEEEEEUW!!!
25.)People who wear too much cologne
26.)People who wear cheap cologne
27.)People who NEED to wear cologne... or deo... or anything that will kill their B.O
28.)Grown women with midlife spread in tiny tank tops... for the sake of everyone around you, cover it up!
29.)Self – righteous religious people
30.)Self – righteous people period
31.)People who think they know you
32.)Guys who see, like, and decide to touch – I’m not some soft pillow in the Mr. Price home section. look for a moment, don’t stare and definitely don’t touch!
33.)Wannabe gangsta guys who use words like “shawry” and “swirre”. For goodness sakes, be fuckin coherent!!
34.)Gaybashers. Leave gay people alone, they’re awesome!
35.)Homophobes. It’s been proven that people who are the most homophobic, have the most homosexual tendencies. Ha!
36.)People who chew with their mouths open. Shit, I bet you have really nice teeth, and you’re very impressed with the rate at which you can masticate (lol, that word cracks me up!) but I don’t need to see. Or hear. Keep your mouth shut.
37.)When someone starts telling me something then halfway they go “oh, forget it”
38.)Do rags... nuff said
39.)Girls (and guys) who walk around with their ass cracks sticking out of their jeans. There’s a reason why jeans go up to your waist.
40.)Camel toes... I feel embarrassed for you girls... really, it’s just sad.
2.)Leggings, tights, treggings – these can be worn very stylishly, my girls and I pull it off all the time, but seriously, these will not look good when they have some lame design cut into them and you wear them with those fugly flowery tops.
3.)Those shirts that have waistcoats sewn onto them – really? Instead of buying a waistcoat and a shirt, you decide you’ll go for 2 in 1?? Really??? And don’t get me started on the material they make those shirts out of! Barf!!
4.)Tramp stamps – tattoos on the lower back are sexy, no lie. But when you go get some trite tattoo of a dolphin, rose, butterfly, tribal symbol, etc etc, it’s considered a tramp stamp. Regardless of how un – trampy you may be, it’s a tramp stamp. And it’s tacky.
5.)Those rubber awareness bangles – yeah, I’m all in support of Lance Armstrong and his Livestrong campaign, and the bracelets come in some really awesome colours but when it’s old, and faded, and falling to pieces then I think I suggest you support testicular cancer in another way.
6.)Big ass shades that make people look like insects – big shades are trés chic, just ask Jackie O. But when you’re walking around looking like a life-sized fly with ridiculously compound eyes, then I think you’ve taken this trend way too far. Invest in a smaller pair or shape that will suit your face.
7.)Don’t even get me started on those multi – coloured biker shades.... gag!
8.)Dreadlocks when you have a receding hairline. Why oh why would you do that to yourself?? The only person who has an excuse is Stevie Wonder; he has no idea how ridiculous he looks. The rest of you, invest in a mirror and a good dose of self – criticism. Then go to your neighbourhood barber and just let go.
9.)Tacky weaves – if you’re walking around with something that looks like a dead animal on your head.... please, just shave your head, it’s cheaper to maintain.
10.)Fake diamonds in people’s teeth – no. Just no.
11.)Drawn eyebrows – why on God’s green earth would anyone be possessed to shave their eyebrows and draw them on?? Don’t get me started on the people who have tattooed eyebrows..
12.)Belts with stupid buckles – if it shines, glows, has laser lights or is holographic then just say no.
13.)Huge hoodies with bright shiny designs.
14.)Those random piercings on the sides of people’s mouths – hate to break it to you girls but they just look like big, shiny warts!
15.)Dress tops with fat belts.
16.)Spiky “rocker” bracelets – there’s nothing cool about something that can take my eye out if I just so happen to be behind you when you yawn.
17.)The Rihanna weave/haircut – not everyone can pull this off. So to save yourself years of braids while you wait for you steel wire excuse for hair to grow, just take a good, long look in the mirror and realise, you are not Rihanna!!!!
18.)Furry boots – I love furry boots. But not when they look like you just picked up some road kill and turned it into shoes with the help of your local drunk, homeless guy.
19.)People who wear wide tops with A – line skirts – it’s a wide top already. No need for a wide skirt.
20.)People who shout on the phone... one word for you: MICROPHONE!! It’s not two cups and a string, the person on the other end can hear perfectly fine if you speak like you normally do. And if you can’t hear what they’re saying, ask them to speak up, you shouting won’t improve your hearing!
21.)Slow walkers who decide that right in front of me is the perfect place to race with a snail and let it win. And then it’s like they have eyes on the back of their heads because every time you try to cut in front of them from the side, they move with you.
22.)When I’m in a mat or any other public place and the person next to me tries to read my texts or help me check my facebook. Excuse me, just because your life is just about as interesting as watching clumpy nail polish dry, doesn’t give you license to invade my privacy!
23.)When people take FOREVER to text back, so annoying!
24.)When people brush their teeth and the foamy spit stays in the sink... EEEEEEUW!!!
25.)People who wear too much cologne
26.)People who wear cheap cologne
27.)People who NEED to wear cologne... or deo... or anything that will kill their B.O
28.)Grown women with midlife spread in tiny tank tops... for the sake of everyone around you, cover it up!
29.)Self – righteous religious people
30.)Self – righteous people period
31.)People who think they know you
32.)Guys who see, like, and decide to touch – I’m not some soft pillow in the Mr. Price home section. look for a moment, don’t stare and definitely don’t touch!
33.)Wannabe gangsta guys who use words like “shawry” and “swirre”. For goodness sakes, be fuckin coherent!!
34.)Gaybashers. Leave gay people alone, they’re awesome!
35.)Homophobes. It’s been proven that people who are the most homophobic, have the most homosexual tendencies. Ha!
36.)People who chew with their mouths open. Shit, I bet you have really nice teeth, and you’re very impressed with the rate at which you can masticate (lol, that word cracks me up!) but I don’t need to see. Or hear. Keep your mouth shut.
37.)When someone starts telling me something then halfway they go “oh, forget it”
38.)Do rags... nuff said
39.)Girls (and guys) who walk around with their ass cracks sticking out of their jeans. There’s a reason why jeans go up to your waist.
40.)Camel toes... I feel embarrassed for you girls... really, it’s just sad.
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