Pavlove

I had a dream the other night, and it was a really trippy one. Which is weird because I hadn’t smoked up or taken any medicines in a while. But regardless, here I was having this super psychedelic dream, and I woke up to an epiphany. Allow me to elaborate.
In my dream, I was at a techno rave. In the middle of like a platform with candles all around it. And I was having sex with this incredibly fine dreadlocked man. Now I know that I don’t particularly have any exhibitionist tendencies so that was quite strange. Then the other thing, yummy Mr. Dreadlocks was a complete stranger. Someone I have never seen ever. What’s weirder? This is not the first time I have had a dream about having sex with a stranger; it happens a lot of the time. In this dream, however, the sex was like a spiritual experience. Like we were on an altar and it wasn’t just sex, it was like an honest – to – God pure, spiritual act. And as we got closer to climax, the emotions intensified and I knew that I needed to just let go but some part of me wouldn’t let me. And all of a sudden I began to feel ashamed and I slipped out of that dream into another.
In my second dream, I was a white woman. Yes, please believe. And not just any white woman, I was so Stepford, it was ridiculous. Think Britney’s alter – ego in her If You Seek Amy video; pie – baking, not a hair out of place, prim and proper, blushing at the mere mention of sex. Considering the dream I had before, this was strange. So I slipped out of this dream and jumped into another.
I was on a shrink’s couch, and I was hypnotized or something. And I could see myself, like it was an out – of – body experience or something. And I could see us talking, but I couldn’t hear anything. And then like someone had popped a bubble, I could suddenly hear the conversation.
“Why do you repress your sexuality? Why is sex so shameful for you?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I need to go back in time.”
And then I woke up.

I’m a big believer in that dreams are trying to tell us something, and obviously my unconscious is trying to give me a heads up about something that’s important to who I am now.
I’m not sure I want to delve into the past though.
Sigh…